Coffee Shop Journal

Summers at the lake are practically an American icon. It seems like they star as the leading metaphor in movies, commercials, books. The idea of idyllic childhood summers is held up as the unattainable goal once we leave our childhood. In fact, that longing to return “home to the lake” is nearly a universal longing. It is, once more, a whisper of Eden that Ron Martoia writes about in his book “Static.” It is the recognition that there is a home we are longing for, and this isn’t it.

My father built two cottages on this lake, and I could — and maybe should — write a whole book about the ways he showed his love for his family in the way he built his homes. If I were to sum it up in just a few words, however, I would say that wherever he was, he created a sense of stability and order. In my father’s world, all was well. He created beauty. And over all these things he created love and respect. I spent hours helping my dad build a barbecue at one of our cottages, and it still sits their today, immovable in brick and cement. It was my dad’s particular genius that he could make a six year old girl feel like she actually had a worthwhile part in building that barbecue. I saw that old cottage when we were zipping by in the boat today. Over space and time I felt loved again by my father.

That’s why I love coming home to the lake every summer. Memories are everywhere of my family. We were here every year as I was growing up, and later we all brought our families here as they arrived and grew. Later, we returned here full of grief as members of my family left us too soon. My two only brothers died within eighteen months of each other when they were only 35 and 36. For years, it was hard to see one empty boat slip and know that the lake was changed forever. But we kept coming, because even in grief it is the whisper of Eden that heals us. And it did.

My father died three and a half years ago. We sold the last cottage that he built for us and found another one to use for our families. Year after year we come back home to the lake, expecting to find our home here. It is a different home, and it feels lonely at times, but it is a faithful home. God meets us here, as we pull kids on tubes or dock the boat in Wolfeboro for afternoon coffee. He reminds me of his unchanging, unfailing nature, His care for me and my family, His creativity in nature, and His overwhelming security in times of grief and times of joy. I know that even this lake and the towns around it could crumble and fade like the paint on a buoy, but in my heart there is the realization that His love will never change. My father built me a home, and my FATHER has prepared a home. When we went flying down the lake today I was filled with laughter watching the kids bounce around in the crazy tube. It felt so familiar, and so much like home.

My family and I were the guests of friends on the fourth of July and got to experience a real community celebration. Marblehead, Massachusetts already looks like a Norman Rockwell painting. When you add patriotic decorations, bands, sparklers, parties down every narrow street and one great community rocking out in a hilltop park you have a set for a Disney fourth of July movie. It was stunning in its New England-ness. We were guests of one of the pastors at Christ Fellowship, Tim and Beth Popadic, who in turn were guests of Tim’s twin brother Mark and his wife Rachael. Their home was perched on Marblehead harbor, where we could see the community fireworks. Just before the official fireworks show, every home ringing the harbor lit up red flares. It was amazing to see the lights all around the harbor, and then hear the band playing and the people clapping for their favorite fireworks. Tim and Mark also celebrated their Mom’s birthday that night…we were so happy to hang with this amazing family in a great community. It was a perfect 4th of July.

We’ve talked a lot about coffee shops as third places here at Coffee Shop Journal, but it is sometimes difficult to determine exactly how to do that. Usually it all comes down to a personality: either the barista’s personality, or the staff who work there. In addition, if you are interested in making your third place a missional outreach, the living out of your faith in the marketplace can sometimes feel artificial, when you are striving for authentic.

The other day I put a video about The Tangible Kingdom up on the blog. While searching for that clip, I found this one by the same film makers. I think it is really interesting from a “Building a Third Place” kind of viewpoint. It is produced by CRM Empowering Leaders, a church planting resource team. Their website has some amazing stories of people making a difference in their world.

Happy 4th of July!

David, the girls and I flew to Boston today for a two week stay up north. Somehow the fourth of July is so much more — Patriotic — up here. Red, white and blue just looks right!

This picture was taken by our pastor and friend Todd Mullins while he and his family are on vacation in Seattle today. I’m pretty sure that his son, Jefferson, got to choose what we’d see of the original “mother ship.” Notice Walle!

Tonight we will be in Marblehead, Massachusetts watching the Boston fireworks from the other side of Boston Harbor. New experience with new friends! The video is a short clip from last year’s fireworks, when it was also kind of rainy. So far just overcast today! Happy Fourth of July, everyone.

I found this video on YouTube today, and thought it was really well done. The makers have managed to convey the essence of being with our community as a way of showing that the kingdom of God really is here. For those of you who know me, one caveat: the beginning of the film shows the subject disenchanted with his apparently boring and clueless church. I’m not there. I don’t think living out the kingdom needs to be an either/or situation. I love my church, the people there, the ministries that we have and the way my church touches the community differently than an individual or a small group can. But with that one exception, this is an amazing short film with a great message. I really love things that use the metaphor of “The Table” as a symbol of community. Enjoy!

After hanging up the phone with a friend who is creating a new vision for her life, I was impressed with this quote from John Maxwell on searching for new solutions to old problems.

To make yourself a more solution-oriented team player…

• Refuse to give up. Think about an impossible situation you and your teammates have all but given up overcoming. Now determine to not give up until you find a solution.
• Refocus your thinking. No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. Set aside dedicated time to work on the problem. Make sure it’s prime think time, not leftover time when you are tied or distracted.
• Rethink your strategy. Get out of the box of your typical thinking. Break a few rules. Brainstorm absurd ideas. Redefine the problem. Do whatever it takes to generate fresh ideas and approaches to the problem.
• Repeat the process. If at first you don’t succeed in solving the problem, keep at it. If you do solve the problem, then repeat the process with another problem. Remember, your goal is to cultivate a solution-oriented attitude that you bring into play all the time.

–John Maxwell, Go for Gold

I saw a new blurb on Fox News this morning saying that for the first time ever, Starbucks is planning on closing some of its United States locations in the coming year. While I realize that as far as business models go this might make sense, in my heart of hearts I was saying “Not in my backyard! Don’t touch any of my spots!” Each of the Starbucks in my neighborhood have a different sense of community. Different people are attracted to them, and different converstions happen within them. Now I know, of course, that most of those meetings will merely shift to another location, but I still hope they don’t close any of “our” Starbucks!

All of this got me thinking about the implications of the phrase “Let’s meet for coffee.”

• Everyone knows the “Let’s meet for coffee.” has nothing to do with coffee. It’s a purely social connection.
• Third Place coffee shops are neutral territory — privacy in the middle of the public sphere.
• The degree of commitment implied with meeting for coffee is much less than sharing a meal. Food is a natural bonding agent that creates trust and community. Coffee, however, can be that first step toward real community in a non-threatening way.
• Coffee is a topic of conversation that — in the last 10 years anyway — can bring together complete strangers, saint and sinner alike.
• Scientific studies show that people are more receptive to new ideas after a cup of coffee, which explains all the business deals struck in Starbucks over a cup of java! This is also why I am so happy one of our church campuses allows people to bring their cup of coffee into the sanctuary with them. Finish that cup!
• A coffee cup in their hand makes people feel more at ease.

Even at Starbucks’ prices, that makes meeting for coffee a bargain that is hard to pass up!

If God’s church is to regain its influence in the world, we will have to get much more comfortable doing “our stuff” out there again. So this is what leaving is all about. Simply stated, it’s being “out there.” I’ve learned that if I stay in my office to study, nothing happens. But whenever I intentionally plant myself at a local hangout, I run into people and conversations start, and at the end of the day I know that something Kingdom oriented has happened.

– The Tangible Kingdom, Hugh Halter and Matt Smay 

This post is part of Watercooler Wednesday at Ethos -  cultural watercooler.

For something a little bit different, I picked up a book called The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille. The author is a social researcher who is on retainer by half of the Fortune 100 companies. His specialty is performing “discovery sessions” to determine what Americans (or other cultures as opposed to Americans) truly feel about any given subject. He uses three hour sessions during which he brushes away the debris of what we say we believe and uncovers what we feel and believe in our deepest gut. The third hour of his sessions always involves relaxing his focus group and taking them back to their earliest memories of whatever subject he is researching. the results of these third hour discussions reveal what he calls the “Code.” Many of these codes are simply fascinating. For instance, the Cultural Code in America for toilet paper is INDEPENDENCE. Yes…who would have known. When we master toilet paper apparently we get to shut the door on our parents for the first time and revel in our privacy and freedom. Knowing this code naturally helps companies market their products more effectively.

This morning I was reading the chapter on shopping and luxury, and found myself smiling from ear to ear. You see, he reconfirmed in his research what I have known instinctively for years: the act of going to shopping malls represents a way to reconnect with life in the American culture. Yes, we go to buy things, but that is only the excuse, or alibi, we use to wander through the stores. Read what he says:

This is the real message behind the alibi [of needing to buy something]. Yes, we shop because we need things, but shopping is more than a means of meeting material needs. It is a social experience. It is a way for us to get out of our homes and back into the world. It is something we can do with friends and loved ones. It is a way for us to encounter a wide variety of people and learn what’s new in the world — new products, new styles, and new trends — beyond what we see on television. We go shopping, and it seems as though the entire world is there.

The author goes on to explain — once and for all — a phenomena that has bothered many, many husbands. Shoppers (because there are a few male shoppers, too!) can often browse for hours, narrowing down their selections to just a few choices. We can seem to waffle on something over and over, frustrating our patient husbands while they wait for us to make a final choice. Often, in the end, we leave the mall saying “I need to think about it some more.” even though four or five acceptable choices were available. Why? Because once you no longer “need” a product, you lose your alibi for returning to the mall and reconnecting with life. Mystery solved.

Here is the connect that got me excited today. He went on to describe how malls have been adding casual hang out spaces so that the shopping time need not end so soon. We’ve seen this, of course, with coffee shops and new seating choices, food courts and even children’s play places. In other words, an effective Third Place. But here’s the kicker: apparently people come to this Third Place already looking to reconnect with life in a social sphere! They are already searching for a connection when they walk through the doors.

So my mall community is a valid connection point after all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the coffee shop as a Third Place…not so much about the mall. I think maybe it’s time for some research!

I’m at Barnes and Noble right now, thinking about what it means to be available in the community. Community is a warm and fuzzy word, but really it is downright messy sometimes. As I look around here, where I only know two people at the moment, I can think of big issues in each of their lives…issues that I could never hope to solve. My weekend, too, was spent living transparently with others in my community in order to model relationship building. Life is not simple, and in our quest for connection with the people around us, we can’t pretend that it is.

Our job in this kingdom is to live out the truth in such away that the people around us are attracted to the source of that truth. One of the concepts in The Tangible Kingdom (Hugh Halter and Matt Smay) is that we need to be as concerned about our posture - how we present ourselves and our message of kingdom hope in the world - as we are about the message itself. When life gets messy, people need to know that we are on their side. They need to know that we will stick up for them even if they are in a mess of their own creation. Halter points to the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery: a mess of her own making if there ever was one. Jesus won her heart by standing with her, not condemning her. He presented such a compelling portrait of God’s love for us that immediately all other loves seemed pale in comparison to this woman. His truth was so attractive, so present and available to her, that immediately she turned from her old life to take her first halting steps into the kingdom.

After finishing The Tangible Kingdom, I have written down in my journal five ways that I hope to be present in this world when others need me. They aren’t very profound, and I’ve written all of them before, but clarifying my mission has helped me realize what I can — and can’t — do.

1. I will redefine what it means to be in the world, but not of it. For most of my life I’ve focused on the second half of that statement. It was a good thing during my formative years to determine that I would not be “of” the world. But I’ve forgotten to be in the world. It’s time to “…find the courage to live bigger and be countercultural while remaining deeply embedded in the world.” I can’t tell you exactly what this will look like yet, but I do know that it’s going to change where I spend my time, how I prioritize.
2. I will grant others the grace to be sinners. Yes, that’s right…you have my permission to be a sinner. Because I am one. And once I realize that not only are Christians not perfect, but certainly people outside the faith are not perfect either, then I can truly meet people without judging them.
3. When I am with another member of my community — whether family member, friend, or new acquaintance in the coffee shops — I will make every effort just to BE there. For me, this is easier done with relative strangers than with my family. Just being there means that I will try to schedule my time more loosely, be flexible, and be intentional about creating opportunities.
4. I’m going to stop giving people advice. Does it ever work anyway? When someone need advice they will usually ask for it.
5. I’m going to try to create the feeling of “belonging” that we all long for wherever I am. Extending that depth of hospitality, the welcome that says “my doors are always open to you, because you fit here” is what transforms lives. How simple, and how terribly complicated.

I KNEW IT!!!!!